By emily

GRADE: A+

We went to Savannah, GA over the weekend! Bonus capsule review: Savannah is beautiful, with lots of very impressive architecture and lore and spooky old Spanish moss-covered cemeteries, but it loses a couple of points for being home to flying cockroaches and the bad kind of southern people so A-. Anyway, while we were in line to tour Jim Williams (from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil)’s house, a fat, gorgon-faced lady waddled over to her daughter, who was unsuccessfully trying to pique the interest of one of Savannah’s many giant black cats. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” she drawled.
“The cat doesn’t like me,” her pudgy spawn whimpered.
“Well, you know what, honey? Every dog in this town loves you. Some people are dog people and some people are cat people. You’re a dog person and that’s better anyway.”

Being a nonjudgmental Libra, I am very understanding about differences of opinion. Generally, it doesn’t offend me too much when someone professes a dislike for a thing that I find eminently likeable. Chocolate, the Universal Review, democracy, my outfit: I’m willing to concede that there are valid points of view on both sides of all of these issues. But the one thing I will not budge on is cats. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT LIKE CATS? Not only are they fucking adorable, they’re entertaining and clever, too. At the risk at coming off like a lady in a puffy-painted sweatshirt whose prize-winning Maine Coon has a ghettofabulous name like Princess Trixibelle Regina Regalness, I have to say that I love cats so, so, so much. I’m sorry if you had a bad experience with a cat when you were a little kid. I’m sorry if the first cat you knew was bitchy and mean. That doesn’t change the fact that the vast majority of cats are awesome and if you don’t get to know one eventually you are only cheating yourself. Good cats aren’t hostile or standoffish or food-mercenary. They’re loving and much more rewarding to be around than most dogs (or people). So learn to love cats already, because CATS TOTALLY RULE.

PS: I like dogs just fine, and people. But cats are so much cuter. Especially giant fat ones.