By Emily
GRADE:D

“I just did a rail of, like, the purest snow, man. It’s like, the best shit I’ve ever had, and, like, now I’m just flying, man.”

“I’ve been in therapy since I was five. Five.” (holds up fingers)

“Next semester I’m leaving NYU and I’m just going to work and get therapy. That’s all I’m going to do. And I’m going to be a model because I love fashion. And because I don’t eat, well I mean I eat every few days because I start to feel really weak and sick and then I know I have to eat, but I’m like, really skinny, and I don’t feel hungry anymore like, ever and I’m on this medication that makes me really hyperactive and that kind of energy, well, going to the gym is like the perfect release for it, so like I’m getting some really good definition.”

It would be nice if I was making these quotes up but you know what I’m talking about. They're out there. They are a variation on the people who like to talk about how they got sooo wasted last night, except dumber and more annoying. Yes, I am talking about the people who corner you at a party and then feel the need to brag to you about how many psychiatric issues and drug addictions and pathological behaviors they have. Then they proceed to remorselessly act soooo crazy. Well, speaking for all the people who try desperately hard to conceal their neuroses, I really object. It's rude to completely ignore other people's conversational preferences in order to jabber at them about your particular level of crazitude. You will notice that the real crazy people never do this, only the upper-middle-class learning-disorder-addled kids. Guys, I am speaking to you right now. NEWSFLASH: Nobody gives a fuck. Shut up, and then ask people questions about themselves. Be polite. And please, please, do not talk about ‘snow.’