By B

ALTERNATE GRADE: F

here at the universal review, we do not always agree on everything. bjork and her new record are a perfect example. (less perfect examples include the question of "is B a good or bad person, generally speaking?") we'll stick to bjork for now.

for reasons best not to get into, i have been subjected to more "a capella" "music" than any sane person should be. my hatred of the "form" is well documented, even if i have been known to do a good job of smiling wanly and pretending to like it. and guess what!? i also loathe and despise bj'o'rk. yes, i did have a brief flirtation with the sugarcubes in high school, but we can forget that. i certainly have-- the cd is scratched beyond recognition.

anyway, i became bored with the sugarcubes and then i was just lukewarm on the bjork question. then i saw dancer in the dark. jason rosen was heaving with sobs in the seat next to me throughout the film, but that did not prevent me from hearing the music. it did not sound good. bjork's problem is that she seems to be making the songs up as she goes along. her music reminds me of 11th grade history class where, in one ridiculous group project, we had to perform a semi-impromptu "opera" about the ottoman empire for teacher and prime Starting Over candidate, Miss A Taylor. We had, i think, one night to write it. i played a sultan, katie was a harem girl, and jamie was the rollerskating personification of the garden of allah. if it sounds like it was in poor taste, you're on the right track. anyway, the preparation comprised about five minutes of scribbling out notes, four hours putting costumes together, and a full evening of eating popsicles while rollerskating around my basement. the result was, i imagine, not that different from what Medulla sounds like. i don't know because i haven't heard it. But it was not that different from Dancer in the Dark. It might even have been better-- i wish i had a tape to compare.

We got a B- from Miss Anne Taylor, but our costumes were a lot better than Bjork's, even if jamie was embarassed to discover, post-performance, that he had a large hole in the seat of his floral stretch pants.

F for Bjork-a-pella.