By emily

Recently I started eating an 8 oz container of yogurt every day. This was around the same time that I started wearing clean, not-ripped clothes all the time, brushing my teeth after lunch, and being nice to people I don’t like. Clearly, I have become an adult. Also, an expert on yogurt.

Dannon: D
So easy. The yogurt of yogurt dilettantes. Too bad it has the consistency of paste and a sour, nasty aftertaste.
Stonyfield Farm: D-
Quite possibly the nastiest yogurt on the market. Sour and bitter. Can actually produce a shudder of revulsion in those with sensitive palates.
Brown Cow Cream Top: C+
Kind of a cross between yogurt and fruit-flavored cream cheese. The Brown Cow lowfat is nearly perfect and nearly impossible to find.
Total Greek Yogurt:B
The little separate compartment full of honey is so adorable. And it actually tastes good, if a little on the super-rich side. The Total with honey and walnuts is the winner.
French Yogurt with Grains: A-
Totally genius. Pear flavor especially.
Emmi Swiss Yogurt: C+
Too sweet.
Ronnybrook Farms Creamline Yogurt Coconut: Oh, that sounds good! I want to eat one right now! It looks appealing, with cute little chunks of coconut. And it’s . . . oh, wait, what is up with this consistency? It’s really thin, like totally liquidy almost. It tastes okay . . . maybe if I think of it as like an Indian lassi beverage? Wait, no . . oh, ew, I just realized that this tastes exactly like a BARFED UP PINA COLADA. F+