By B
Grade: F, unless they are very sexy, in which case D-

i'm not trying to be the thought police, but what is with gay republicans and why do they think it's okay to talk to me? sorry but unless you are alex p keaton with your little white briefs around your ankles, i am not going to indulge you in your PEGGY NOONAN obsession.

or actually maybe i will. that is the fucked up part. i think the reason i encounter so many gay republicans is because i have a perversion that makes me think they are sort of hot. sort of. because they are so deluded and stubborn and contrary. i bet the sex is so great. unfortunately, i will never know.

in the lysistrata, which i've actually never read, and don't even know how to spell (jorge, help me out here), a bunch of greek ladies-- like a whole village i guess-- go on a sex boycott and refuse to do it with the men for some reason. I can't remember what that reason is, but i think it was a good one.

of course, why ancient greek husbands would care whether their wives are putting out or not, i don't know. because aren't they just doing it with young boys anyway? Maybe that is addressed in the play. I have no idea, but either way, in the end, i'm pretty sure, the sex boycott works, and the ladies get whatever they were wanting.

when dealing with gay republicans, i think it is important to keep these courageous ancient greek ladies in mind. if everyone refuses, on principle, to get down with them, maybe GR's will change their ways. or at least maybe they will stop trying to ply us with their evil charms. i don't think i'd be able to live with myself if i accidentally did it with a Republican, and yet i am always so tempted. (i have been thinking about this issue since long before i saw the curb your enthusiasm finale.)

I realize that i'm not expressing myself well, and I understand that i'm being a knee-jerk, dogmatic idiot. WHATEVER. i don't care. these people can feel free to think whatever they want. they just shouldn't be allowed to talk to me with impunity in bars or other public settings, because i get so flummoxed that i become completely inarticulate and it's rude to put me in that position. Really, what are you supposed to say when a deadsexy 22 year old homosexual tells you he "WORSHIPS THIS WRITER NAMED PEGGY NOONAN"? Personally, I say, "THAT'S GREAT; THIS MOVIE LADY NAMED LENI RIEFENSTAHL IS PRETTY AWESOME TOO." But whipping out the Leni gun is pretty cheap, even for me. It does not feel good.

Sex boycott now. (AP Keaton, if you're out there, i will make a one-time exception for you.)