By Emily

Grade: A+

Sometimes, when it’s about love, prose just won’t suffice. Neither will traditional poetic conventions such as meter. Hence, this ode to my favorite fictional person.

You smoke Newports in bed
You wear a full face of stripper makeup, even at the gym
When you pronounce your fiance’s name ‘Christofuhhh’
My head starts to swim

You came into my life
Like a teal snakeskin jumpsuited comet
Shooting heroin like you’re popping an Advil
Spraying federal agents with chunky taupe vomit

Life’s been rough for you lately
Those feds aren’t through with you yet
You can’t have a baby cause of a botched abortion
And Christopher sat on and killed your dog Cosette

I’ll never possess you
Unless I somehow switch bodies with a guido, get cast on the Sopranos, and get made
Still, you’ll forever be
In my heart, my darling Ade.