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I liked it a lot. I’m a writer, I don’t know you. I’d like to see it pre-edit and post edit, just to understand what the changes were.
I should say I also like Tay Zodnay’s “Internet Dream”
wow .. ive never heard an interviewer be bitchy on NPR.
Heard your interview on NPR. After reading your blog and your NYTmag article, it reminded me of a beef I had with NYTmag a couple years ago. I was writing somewhat regulary but stopped. One of my last entires was about an article they did on Aspen… http://stretcheveryday.blogspot.com/2005/12/other-other-side-of-mountain.html. Keep up what you’re doing, you can only be respected for staying true to yourself!
Emily,
If I could post on the message board for your NY Times’ article, I would post this:
Your article in the NY Times is poignant. Touching. Insightful. And, contrary to what the majority seems to have posted, timely and relevant.
Thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations on being published in the NY Times.
I heard you on NPR today. I visited your blog and read about your NYTmag article. It reminded me of a beef I had with NYTmag a couple years ago. I was writing somewhat regularly on my own blog but haven’t in quite some time. One of my last entries was about an Aspen article in NYTmag…http://stretcheveryday.blogspot.com/2005/12/other-other-side-of-mountain.html. Thought you might enjoy it. Keep up what your doing. You can only be respected if you stay true to yourself. Cheers!
Emily,
I am neither a commenter nor a blogger. I am just a lurker. I feel compelled to comment here though.
I started following you and your work with your final Gawker post. It grabbed me. To have in a small way witnessed the arc of your self-imposed exile from the publishing world, to your messy public breakup with Josh, to your landing on the cover of the NYT magazine has been thrilling. It is an amazing story that you have authored — the story of your life. Don’t let the naysayers dissuade you from telling it.
I remember one of your Emily Magazine posts shortly after the shit hit the fan with Josh in which you spoke of losing your voice. You have it back now. Sing, girl, sing.
-JP
Such a great essay. Really. I heard you on NPR, then went and read the article, and I’m glad I did. I struggle on my blog at times with how much is too much, but it becomes so cozy sometimes that it’s easy to forget how public it really is. I’m more of a chicken than you, playing it safer, but your experiences have taught you more as a result, and that’s not a bad thing.
I was so turned off by your attitude and manner of expression in the Jimmy Kimmel interview that any apreciation I had for your NYT article is gone.
I thought the article was great, and rather expected everyone else would too. However, altho I don’t blog, and am 20 years older than you, I have also been a longtime forum addict with a compulsive tendency to tell more about my personal life than is probably wise or emotionally healthy, so that all seems quite normal to me.
What amazed me was the level of anger in many of the comments. I tried to analyze what it was that people found so threatening here… there does seem to be a bit of ‘anyone could do that – *I* could do that’, like early reactions to modern art. (I loved the guy who said he was a successful middle aged businessman who had MANY opportunities to sleep with women your age, snicker)
But as I got thinking about it more, it occurred to me that I am actually very frequently astounded by the level of anger and venom in online commentary sections of all sorts. So maybe it’s not just this article and this topic. I was looking out the window at work yesterday, at people walking around on the street below, thinking… they don’t LOOK angry… are they going to go home and post nasty, furious commentary on someone else’s accomplishment? And if so, is that something the internet brings out in them, or would it come out other ways anyhow?
Maybe there are a lot of people who just use the internet to let off a little spleen, and are looking for places to vent.
In the meantime, don’t take the harsh commentary too hard. It’s more of a sociological event than a personal attack, as none of these people actually know you. I think you and the nytimes have done a good and maybe important thing, by introducing people to a world that is sure to become more ubiquitous over time, in spite of the initial kneejerk hostility.
Exactly what Maria said.
And again, in the NPR interview, I heard the same inappropriately cutesy, affected, giggly, emotionally manipulative, uptalking voice that was such a disaster on CNN.
This is not just a style issue — it’s a lack of social awareness. You even managed in those few minutes to demonstrate the poor sense of boundaries everyone has been complaining about, by violating the boundaries of the interview itself. That’s why the interviewer was “bitchy.” She’s just doing her job and trying to be polite — why should she be forced to tell you if she thinks you’re narcissistic? Clearly, she did.
For some reason it is really depressing to me that you haven’t learned what it really was you did wrong the first time. Or you just can’t stop doing it. I am sympathetic but, I have to say, also repelled.
Loved, loved your NYT article. That’s all I can say.
Years ago, the National Lampoon did a magazine parody called “Me”. Its focus was the life of an average person, done up as if the average person had an entire magazine publishing house at his disposal to create a weekly magazine all about every little facet of his boring, mundane life – as if, by dint of publishing it in magazine form, every little facet of his boring, mundane life suddenly gained a high degree of importance and relevance to the world at large. Man, those NatLamp writers were prescient – they really saw it coming. You were the embodiment of a deer caught in the headlights, and people stop to gawk at the roadkill. Only one problem: you keep getting up and saying “See? I was the deer that got run over! Look at me look at me lookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatme…”
Have you thought of a hobby? Something that doesn’t require you to sit in front of a computer 18 hours a day. I think that might be just the ticket….seriously.
Asking “Do -you- think I’m a narcissist?” provides the answer.
I suspect the people who enjoyed your NY Times piece also think Charles Bukowski is a great writer. Sadly, you probably think this is a compliment.
I loved your NYT piece. It has inspired me to start removing things about myself online though…
Take care.
I haven’t listened to the NPR interview or the Larry King interview, but I’m amazed at the vitriol people can come up with after hearing them. Have they ever been interviewed? Probably not, or they might have some clue that people not trained to perform in front of a camera or microphone can have a pretty hard time expressing themselves accurately to who they truly are or how they really feel. Obviously you are trained to express yourself through writing, not public speaking. It’s sad that people would judge you on that even after they feel empathy for you through your writing. But then I guess the bigger lesson from all this is simply that people are ignorant judgemental assholes.
We went to middle school together. I was in 7th grade when you were in 8th. I remember you because we rode up and down the glass elevator over and over in the hotel at Eliot Levy’s bar mitzvah. It seems like you’ve gotten a lot of flak for the NYT article, and I don’t understand why more people don’t respect the guts it took to put it out there. I thought it was both thought-provoking and well-written.
i liked your NYT piece, I am not proficient on computers and have never gone to Garwker. You write very well, a pleasant honest writing style. Please write a book.
I would say keep going and writing with your gut.
Good luck.
LFS
I’ve been alive not too much longer than you, Emily, but I’ve lived a very full life and my advice to you is to 1) stop writing immediately, because you’re not good at it and have nothing to say, 2) go live your life–I mean really live it–and then 3) return to the I Mac when you’re forty. Then, within minutes, you will know if you finally have what it takes to be a writer. I am rarely wrong, and certainly not about this. You have just been given the best advice you will get, and I implore you to follow it.
For anyone learning to not overshare, it certainly curbs it if your entries are “Woke up, got dressed, went to work,” every single damn day, like this young lady…
http://addledwriter.blogspot.com/2003_03_01_archive.html
I think it is funny that commenters keep suggesting that Miss Gould write about other people. She did do that: she wrote about Josh Stein, about her family and about countless famous people on Gawker. That is what got her into trouble. She was told that these stories were not her’s to tell. In the NYT, she told her own story—and was told that she was self involved!
As for those that think Miss Gould should focus on earthquakes, war and famine, here are some other things you might dislike : the novels of Elizabeth Gaskell, hobbies, the poetry of Emily Dickenson, Julia Allison, badminton, Gawker, rock gardens and pie. I am surprised you all bothered to read the piece at all, and find this website, and read the comments, and comment, when you could have been out there contributing to the greater good yourselves!
Emily, have you read Randall Jarrell’s novel “Pictures from an Institution?” It is too slender a book. I enjoy Emily Magazine and I loved you on Gawker. If you would like a break from NYC at Upstate Homeschool, drop me a line. You can help wash diapers correct Latin workbooks to expiate your online sins.
All the best to you,
Catherine
I really like your piece. My favorite blog is http://www.100daysinbed.blogspot.com. She talks fearlessly about her crazy family, friends and life as a writer but does it anonymously which probably saves her from being spewed vitrol at.
I think you’re really courageous, though.
I liked it when she asked on NPR, “Do you think I’m a narcissist?” The insecurity made me cringe. I bet this girl had a tough childhood.
i like the article
i liked the tone
I thought your piece in the NYT was brilliant. I, personally, am a blogger with so little an audience, it really consists of myself and one or two friends who occasionally visit just to see what I’m thinking and your piece was really touching. I think that, in today’s day and age, we need writers who are feeling CURRENTLY and that’s what you’re doing. I don’t agree with the person who said that perhaps you should have written this piece further down the line. I believe that you’re feeling it now, and we need it now. Great work! Keep it up!
re: hannah “My intention here is not to tear Emily down, but to translate the anger and frustration currently being vented over at the New York Times. First of all, being a good writer does not count for much when the subject is yourself. The standards are much higher and readers expect you to teach them something about humanity and themselves.”
i am a reader and i don’t expect or want to be taught and i enjoy reading non-rhetorical autobiographical things
Wow. I can’t decide whether your participation in the NY Times story further fueled your oversharing compulsion, or was cathartic and cleansing. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the latter. I thought you were honest, unflinchingly introspective, and perceptive. You represent the “plight” of the 20-somethings, with which I sympathize. There is so much information, stimuli, over indulgence, and voyeuristic flooding at your fingertips, it must be hard to decide who you are and whether your on line personna is a reflection of yourself or vice-versa! It was much simpler in the 60’s when we just had sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. Now it seems people spend more time talking about it, than doing it.
I was only inspired to comment here after listening to your NPR interview. It made me sad – that you, a 26 year old woman, has become the target of such overblown rage. The most important presidential election of our times is about to take place, people are dying of starvation in much of the world, and mothers have lost their children in horrific natural disasters, yet people seem more worked about your alleged narcissism.
This insane attack on you is too much for one person to deal with, and proof that the internet is not a community but a dark, dark hole.
I hope you are able to remove yourself from all of this. It will definitely pass.
nice one. i’m pretty sure you said you didn’t intend to write off your previous on(line) writing. just in case, don’t, a family friend financed my dream of being the next william gibson–in the 90s (’nuff said). i still stumble across the stories in the basement and wince. a most sincere wince. but the guy, who died 1 year after he financed my most-improbable dream, lived it out his way; lives on in the wordy, overweening, verbose, narcissistic, yaddayaddayadda poetry i still write at lunch-time at the middle school i teach at in central nj. you wrote VERY well in the new york times magazine published today. also, i don’t get the self-deprecating reference to your complection unless i misread something, mislooked the cover, or misunderstood the cover in the context of the self-image. ain’t write in any case. keep writing(sorry about the spelling).
You should just write a book and get rich. You are an excellent writer and to someone like me that had no idea all this existed it could be written in a book that I would pay for. Good luck with your future.
Emily
Just finished the NY Times Magazine article. You are a fine writer and although this was my first introduction to you (I looked at “gawker” once or twice when mentioned in the Post but never really got into it’s gossip – too much gossip / backstabbing in my own world) but really enjoyed your style. Is a book coming soon? Seems you have more to share.
Best wishes,
Jack
If nobody reads your blog, do you exist?
Emily,
I had not followed your story previously, but as I have just started a blog myself, was very interested to read your article when I came across it on nyt.com today. I thought it wasa great read but am definitely feeling a little bit wary about the whole idea of blogging now…
Fantastic piece on the NY Times. As a fellow prolific blogger I could completely relate to your story, it gave me goosebumps. I think for you now, the only way is up — in whatever you do. Good luck!
[...] by and about Emily Gould, a former http://Gawker.com-blogger; http://tinyurl.com/6ony7r; http://EmilyMagazine.com [...]
Intresting article in the NYT, actualy read all 10 pages of it. A word of advice, unlike in the real world it’s easier to reinvent yourself on the net. Just remember whoever knows you will always know you, and whoever reads about you will only assume to know you.
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
By: Kahlil Gibran
Interesting article in the NYT, actually read all 10 pages of it. A word of advice, unlike in the real world it’s easier to reinvent yourself on the net. Just remember whoever knows you will always know you, and whoever reads about you will only assume to know you.
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
By: Kahlil Gibran
Emily –
I wish at times I had the guts you do to what you do. I share things with my close friends – often too much in the way of details but I need to get the thoughts out of my head. If I didn’t “overshare” with them I would explode inside. So, while others on here and various other places feel as though they want to trash you – let them as you have to stay true to yourself and if oversharing is what you do then do it.
Oh a side note of sorts. I too have had a relationship with a co-worker and while it initially was great I got burned in the end as well. I wanted to stay at home and not face the world ever. But I realized that while I don’t always like the outcome of things I have to “man up” and own what I had done.
Anyway, I do hope you keep posting. You are damn good at what you do and if anyone has an issue with it maybe they should not read your postings. It’s not like you are threatening them with their life for not reading your posts. Congrats on a really good article in the NYT this week.
Perhaps the reason for the vitriol regarding the TV and radio interviews is that it reveals a side of Emily not immediately evident in her writing, one that ratchets up the vacuousness quotient to alarming levels.
I enjoyed reading the article and while you probably would prefer that this didn’t happen — it provoked me to watch the painful Kimmel interview available on YouTube. I am surprised that you did not expect him to attack your work. I am also surprised that you would want to have an article in the NYT Magazine that would rehash all of this. Now you will sift through all these comments, certainly experiencing the highs and lows of positive and negative feedback. While the article could serve as a cautionary tale, the fact that you are still blogging shows how truly addictive the Internet can be.
“All violations of essential privacy are brutalizing.”
– Katharine Fullerton Gerould, Modes and Morals (1920)
I just read your article last night and though I’m younger than you and have no experience blogging, know that your article touched me deeply. Your keen insight and sincere self-reflection aroused within me a great deal of respect for you. For everyone throughout life has times when they slip up; it takes an honest and strong person to learn and grow from it, not to mention an intelligent person to know exactly how. With such admirable quality traits I have no doubt you’ll move on to ever-better and worthwhile life experiences…Best of luck!
I’ve read the article… and watched the larry king interview… and both made me cringe. I have nothing against blogging or your ambitions as a writer (to each his own), but it scares me how you think intruding into another’s life – via your blog or in the ways you discussed in the interview – is okay. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-avakrRUaU
Problem with bad-writing others on a blog has to do with morality and ethics. (remember the feeling when a teacher yelled at you while you were standing in front of the class) The sages of the Talmud wrote (about 1500-2000 years ago) “When you embarass (humiliate) someone in public, it is as if you have murdered that person” -that’s my paraphrase. Jews call it “the evil tongue. Therein lies the ethical implication of badmouthing and one can’t escape it. As I read your article, I think that you inherently believed that you might have been doing wrong. That’s why the panic attacks and the hesitations. Maybe it has to do with growing up. Anyway, Live Long and Prosper, in good health, and remember–happiness is not a permanent constituent of everyday living-never was.
Writing, reading, people in motion. Great article – Thank you
Made me think of suggesting…
Pattern Recognition, W. Gibson
Amazing piece of writing. I rarely read anything over a few paragraphs in NYT. Forget about all the noise that comes with it, just revel in the fact you’ve this great talent as a writer. That in itself means so much. Congrats, -G
Beautifully written, thoughtful, and sometimes painful article. Thank you for writing it.
I mainly wanted to comment because I keep hearing so many people say: “Emily you’re a good writer but stop writing about yourself…” — Why shouldn’t she write about herself?
On the one hand, I do have a negative reaction to “this whole thing with the internet”. In general, the endless public self-obsession that characterises my generation bores me. I could never put in so much time and energy into somehow editing my fascinating inner life into words on strangers’ computer screens, let alone developing and maintaining some sort of online persona. F** it, I am simply too busy living life itself and being fascinated by the amazingness that I am! Don’t get me wrong, I do like attention from others. But sharing the contents of my brilliant mind and a bottle of Islay single malt with a few good friends (who no doubt will be enchanted by how eloquent, intelligent and sexy I am at all times) seems the right level for me… The entire world does not have to be my audience… So, even as an extremely narcissistic person, I understand the annoyance about oversharers and don’t disagree that ‘perhaps they had it coming to them by living their life like that’ sort of thing…
But I am still fascinated by this idea that Emily should not be so self-absorbed, should write about something other than herself, in order to be validated… Of course, the problem is that she needs and is addicted to such validation, good topic for those therapy sessions but boring for me… My issue is, is that really so rare?! For generations, people have found an audience and even made a living through self-absorbtion, especially in the arts! Why is it OK for Fellini to be self-absorbed in his craft and create masterpieces of cinema simply through that, and not OK for Emily to explore such waters? (I suspect it’s partly a gender thing – e.g., ‘he’s (a) visionary/genious/subversive and influential’ vs ’she’s just neurotic’!)
Emily, you don’t need to stop talking about yourself and instead go to Africa to distribute vaccinations or partake in a similar selfless humanitarian activity. But you should find a real human connection in your work. I don’t know if this internet/blog thing will give you that. Maybe, maybe not. Watch 8 1/2 and think about whether you’re trying to build something out of nothing, or whether, after all, you’re you going to be able to pull a Fellini (always with a little help from your friends).
But don’t let people tell you what do be passionate about.
a.
Great article in the NYT. So many points I could associate with, I’ve been blogging for about 10 years, before it was even blogging and I’ve had it interfere with more than a few relationships!