Last night Bennett and I were sitting in a gay bar filling out a questionnaire and one of the questions was about our taste in boys, like, our type. Today, still thinking about types, I went and listened to the new Weezer single, which is about how Rivers Cuomo worries that he should be using Rogaine and collaborating with Timbaland. I don’t know whether I agree with Ben Greenman that this makes the song lyrically “substantive.” Anyway, I mostly remembered deciding at age 12, circa the ‘Buddy Holly’ video’s MTV omnipresence, that Rivers was the ultimate boy. You know: Smart and talented but sensitive and insecure — insecure in a way that’s maybe a little toxic because it bespeaks a perpetual struggle with being a onetime resentment-filled dork who’s now desirable. I, like, imprinted on this shit. I suspect an entire generation of girls did. Rivers Cuomo, so much to answer for!