An excerpt from Dean Wareham’s book Black Postcards gives a fairly detailed account of how exactly he went about leaving his wife for his band Luna’s new bassist, Britta Phillips. “I had become acutely aware of where I was sitting in our rented van. I used to think of it as sitting in the front row or the back row, on the left or the right. But now I was in front of Britta, or next to Britta or, on that drive, behind Britta. I felt like I had fallen under a spell, and it had to stop. I took to chanting silently inside my head on these long rides: No, no, no. No, no, no. Yes.”
Also: “Being in a band is a bit like falling in love anyway.”
Being in a band is not like falling in love at all. It’s like being in a gang or in the army, which is why bands must be single sex. A gender-integrated band might as well break up before it even forms.
Love for your band mates/friends can form within the context of a band, but “falling in love,” it isn’t. Of course if the attractive object of your lust is laying down a sexy groove for you to noodle all over, well then its easy to see how you could erroneously interpret “being in a band” as falling in love.
that’s absurd. that’s absurd what you’re saying about bands.
Nigel, The Thermals: take note. Though I’m not convinced that the bassist is indeed female, in which case, touche.
Thank you for pointing this out. Wareham’s description of that doomed, talk-yourself-out-of-it mantra is an incredibly good, incredibly sad reminder of how you come to cheat on someone you desperately want not to hurt.
“cheat on ya man/ that’s how you get a hizzead”
-Pharell ft. in Snoop’s Drop it Like it’s Hot
Being in a band is like being in the army only if being in the army entails murmuring, passive-aggressive conflicts over who will unload the tank, who gets to stand where at the battle, in which order the strategies will be deployed, who shirked their share of reloading the tank etc. etc. And as for the untenability of gender-integrated bands: wha? Sonic Youth, Pixies, Blonde Redhead, Black Flag…
Dustin, yeah, the Pixies all still get along great. Of the bands you listed, the only one that’s remotely stable is Sonic Youth. And that’s because the two strongest personalities are married to each other.
Just thought of you and don’t have contact details for you …
Anyway, best astrologyzone.com ever for February.
http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/libra_full.php
February 6, lady!
Dean is so not the romantic guy he makes himself out to be in this extract; he’s always been a womanizer (I hate to use the term, but I think it’s how he sees himself, sort a modern-day Lee Hazelwood-Leonard Cohen-Serge Gainsbourg). I personally know two women he “hit on” pretty aggressively while he was married and let’s just say — speaking of the Pixies — “there were stories” about many more. Not that I really care; I always hated Luna but Galaxie 500 is timeless. (On Fire!)
Is nobody else swooning at the first quote? I’ve always thought that if I truly liked someone I’d be able to spot them almost instantly in a crowd – and I mean like a music festival, thousands of people kind of crowd.
I have been in many bands where the line ups consisted of men and women, sometimes something happened and sometimes not.
My last band I was the only female, playing bass with three men. I was then and still continue to be happily married to my husband since 1994. It depends on the people.