Emily Magazine

I love Chuck Bass.

The Drugstore.com page for K-Y Yours+Mine Couples Lubricant is the best thing that has happened to me and Ruth all day. This product is clearly the most hilariously vile product ever to be marketed. Imagine writing this copy for a living:

“one+one=everything. It takes two. To make chemistry. To make magic. To make love. That’s why it takes two lubricants to let your lovemaking add up to a totally new experience. You do the math: An invigorating sensation for him. A thrilling sensation for her. Put the two together and suddenly, everything’s just right. Better than just right. Completely new and unexpected. More exciting. More satisfying. More everything.”

How exactly do you go about using K-Y Yours+Mine Couples Lubricant, you ask? Well!

“For more play during foreplay-and during you know what. When the moment feels right, apply to intimate areas as desired. Apply yours (blue) to him. And mine (purple) to her. When the individual lubricants mix during sex, they combine to create an exciting sensation. Have fun together.”

Okay, a: EW.

b. “during you know what?”  YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT LUBE! It’s not like there are children present!

And c: there are some problems with this product besides the obvious (see ‘a’) — like, for instance, its name, which makes the sexist implication that only women buy stupid gimmick lube. What if a dude wanted to buy and own this product? Wouldn’t he always be confused because “mine” wasn’t his?

Anyway! There are two user reviews so far. Anonymous gives Yours+Mine one star and cautions, “DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY. The womens side makes your “stuff” ice cold and when you mix it with the mans, it burns.”

And then there’s this five-star rave, which does not smack of Johnson & Johnson sockpuppetry at all: “This was better than I expected… I’m not really normally a lubricant user, and so I can’t say we really tried it for lubrication, more just to see what happened (which I’ve done before with the warming product which wasn’t that warm!) but this I could feel, Joe (boyfriend) could feel and it did change again when we “mixed it together.” Good fun! — Tiffany.”

Speaking of Johnson & Johnson, I would also like to point out that this lube is heteronormative.

that applying to massage or esthetician school is basically just as hard as applying to grad school.

Speaking of ‘not having a job,‘ I was at jury duty just now and when the lawyers asked me what I did for a living, I explained and everyone laughed. Even the Orthodox Jews. Then I got assigned to a jury. Of course.

Also, there should be some kind of German compound word for “that terrible feeling you get when a scene in your real life bears an uncomfortably close resemblance to a scene from ‘Sex and the City.’” “You see, your honor, there’s no one who can fill in for me!”

“Also, can’t believe they just imported a new Asian one. She seems to have transferred in from Gilmore Girls.” — Jonathan Liu, re: last night’s Gossip Girl.  Also noted: S’s scary-masklike cry-face.

Good news, hippies! Have you always harbored a fantasy of living in Boulder or Berkeley or Portland or San Francisco or whatnot, but you’ve been stymied by your desire to stay on the East Coast so you’ve been making do with, say, Brooklyn? Well! It turns out there is a town in the Blue Ridge Mountains called Asheville, North Carolina that they built just for you. Go! Seriously. They’re keeping a yerba mate latte (made with rice milk, served in a biodegradable potato starch cup) warm for you.

This is where I have spent the last few days visiting my little brother, who goes to Warren Wilson College of sustainable agriculture and not showering. Clearly, I am jealous. So jealous that I have to express my jealousy by making fun of an article in Warren Wilson’s student paper, the Echo, about the renaming of the college’s Women’s Resource Center.
“Here at Warren Wilson, if you bring up the words “Women’s Resource Center,” the reaction will be a wide variety of descriptions that can range from positive to potentially hurtful. Fortunately, for not only what was formerly known as the Women’s Resource Center, but also the RISE Project (Resistance, Intervention, Safety and Empowerment) there have been efforts to change the negative stereotypes.

On Saturday night, April 26, the crew formerly known as the Women’s Resource Center held a late night dance party to celebrate its new name – EMPOWER. Freshman Julie Sorensen works on the crew and said the new name stands for Educating Members of the community On Privilege and Oppression to Work toward gender Equality with Resistance. While the name is a mouthful to say, both Sorensen and her coworker sophomore Nicole Connor are hoping that the name change and new philosophy will be a way to be more inclusive.”

Yeah, kiss those “negative stereotypes” goodbye. Seriously: why does The Onion even bother?

PS I seriously might move there. Let me know if you’d like to come with, especially if you have a car and you’d like to teach me how to drive it.

So Deadspin blogger Will Leitch had that thing happen where you go on a tv show and a bunch of older dudes blame the entire Internet on you. He handled it pretty well, I thought, but it made me think about how I would handle a situation like this if it happened to me now.

The thing is, defending blog commenters — expecially to people who don’t understand that there’s a difference between writing a post and writing a comment — is a losing battle.  Instead, cede that point.  You can say something like, “Well, yes — my job is to provide people with something to discuss.  The thing about people is that they will say absolutely anything in an attempt to be funny or to be heard. They will be vulgar and mean and sometimes they’ll even exaggerate or even lie.  Sometimes they’ll be really underinformed about what they’re talking about and sometimes they’ll shout really loud to make their point.  You clearly don’t have a problem with any of these things, since you’re doing them right now. So why do you have a problem with people doing them online?”

Lori and Ruth and I were watching MSCL disc 2 –which contains the terrible episode about Graham and Patty getting audited, the genius episode about Angela’s zit vs. Sharon Cherski’s breasts, and the episode about a substitute teacher who galvanizes the school around an erotic poem in the literary magazine — the other night and we came up with a drinking game. The thing about watching this show now is that it almost seems like it is specifically TRYING to be, like, a documentary about 1994. “Young man, take off that Walkman!” “Well, of course, Rayanne’s mother is going, and Heidi Fleiss is probably meeting her there.”  “Graham: Well, what do you like listening to these days? Angela: I dunno. Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against the Machine, Porno for Pyros. Graham: Oh, oh yeah, I love their Christmas album. Angela : Stone Temple Pilots, uh, I like Billie Holliday.” “You know, Hillary Clinton is a brilliant woman and people should stop judging her by her hair.” (Well, maybe not that last one SO much).

Anyway, any time a topical reference is made, drink! Also drink whenever anyone uses a non-cordless phone. Or wears a vest.

More about Baby Mama: I am mad at this movie. It was funny, but. You know the moment in every comedy when you begin to suspect that you know how it’s gonna end, but you try to pretend to yourself that you still don’t know so that it can stay fun, and anyway they wouldn’t end it in such a lame obvious way, would they? And then they end it the lame obvious way you’d hoped they wouldn’t, and you say “OH COME ON” in a way that makes the popcorn-munching girls next to you turn and stare.

Anyway SPOILER ALERT: Apparently the only way a story about a single lady who’s having trouble conceiving can have a happy ending is with the protagonist giving birth to her own biological child via her own uterus, and she must also be wearing a big diamond ring on her finger while doing so.